


i made my choice long ago

by Aria_Cinabun



Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft - Fandom
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Gen, Sadness, waiting for you guys to solve "let's play a game" so I uploaded this :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27832420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Cinabun/pseuds/Aria_Cinabun
Summary: In a place far away, there lies a valley that you can never leave - except once a year, at sixteen summers, where you compete against everyone else your age in a tournament to gain your freedom.There is one winner. One person that gets to walk through the mist and to whatever lies beyond.His brothers, one by one, have left him, leaving behind memories and tokens of their love.Still, they have left him, and it stings so much more.The boy makes his choice.Freedom calls, and he turns and he walks away.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 106
Kudos: 749
Collections: Completed stories I've read, Found family to make me feel something





	1. Chapter 1

Once a year, those aged sixteen would be put to a test. Not to the death - no, it was a choice, even; though everyone partook - but they wanted the best of the best to go to the world outside of the mountains. They wanted the strongest to get out. The rest stayed behind in the walled valley and lived out the rest of their lives with piqued curiosity - but nothing more. Not a step outside the walls.

Tommy was six when his eldest brother, Phil, won his age year and got out, vanishing into the world of fantasies and daydreams. He didn't remember it. All he had left was pictures and birthday letters that Phil had left behind in a journal to page through - one a day, every day, until the day he turned sixteen. Sometimes they made him laugh; other times cry - but he held his close to his heart and read one page a day before bed, repeating the words until he fell asleep.

Tommy was ten when Technoblade left - and he barely remembered that. He had a sword with wise words inscribed on it that reminded him of his pink-haired brother. Lessons on fighting were paid in advance; as was food - that would be delivered every day until the day he turned sixteen.

Tommy was twelve when his last brother moved on, content to get out and travel with his other brothers. Away from him. Leaving him all alone. He tried not to hold it against Wilbur - but he did anyway; because Wilbur had _left_ him, a twelve-year-old boy, behind. Wilbur, he knew the best, and Wilbur, he hated the most. 

They had expected him to win. He was the best. He knew that - everyone knew that. He should have won. 

He _did_ win.

But he was not the one that walked through the gates and into the free world beyond it.

When he was thirteen, he found someone more worthy than him.

**_Only the worthy move on._ **

He had heard those words his entire life. They echoed in his head; resonated in his chest - emerged in the darkness of his eyes when he was trying to sleep with Phil's notebook on his chest.

**_Only the worthy move on._ **

He had heard those words as his brothers left one by one, to the outside world. Different ages, different years - they all left him for the breath of fresh air out of the mountains. They all left him.

**_Only the worthy move on._ **

The words would echo in his head as he made his choice. The words _determined_ who moved on.

Tommy made his choice.

And he did not regret it.

**_Only the worthy move on._ **

He had found another brother three months after Wilbur had abandoned him. And okay - abandoned was a strong word, but Tommy had spite for the three that had left him to be together. He knew that they had all the faith in the world for him - despite him not knowing one of them, and barely knowing another. He knew _he_ could do it.

He had planned to do that.

Tubbo had changed everything.

He had found happiness in times where the bitterness poured out of him like a waterfall of spite and pain. He had found laughter in the small brown-haired boy with mocha eyes and a caring smile, and he had found the will to _move on_. He had found himself under the warm sun, with his best friend babbling about bees and whatever he was infatuated with at the moment. 

Tubbo was his family. Tubbo never had any parents that cared - they gave him what he needed to live and looked the other way. Tubbo didn't have the prepaid sword lessons or the food Tommy did. Tubbo was as alone as he was. Tubbo was his brother. 

And when he was fifteen, he made it real. _They_ made it real. Tubbo's parents had looks of relief in his eyes as Tommy scribbled on the papers, officially adopting his best friend into the Watson family. 

He made that choice when he was fifteen. _Tubbo_ made that choice.

He didn't have to cry anymore when he read Phil's words - the words of the brother that he never knew. For once in his life, he actually forgot on some days, and did it the next morning. He didn't have to scramble for memories of his family - because he had made another addition.

He wasn't trying to forget his brothers - he was merely forging new bonds; new beginnings. He ran around the town, causing mass chaos and mayhem with his best friend; and now family - and he was able to _laugh_ again.

He had been without his family for three years, and then he was not.

And when he was sixteen, he made another choice.

He won the event. Nobody was surprised. After all, he _was_ a part of a family that had won more than any other family.

He stared at the glimmering gold and was reminded of the crown that sat at home - that was Techno's, and he had put it on when he was crying and alone and missed his family.

He took the crown off his head at the end of the crowning ceremony amidst the quietness and he handed it to Tubbo.

The boy stared at it. "What - "

"Take it," Tommy whispered. 

The gate loomed ahead of them, wide open and ready for the winner to walk out. The actual rules stated the person with the crown had to walk out. 

Not the winner.

"I can't," Tubbo said, pushing it back towards him. "Your family is waiting."

A small smile crept across his face. "They're your family too."

"But they don't even _know_ me," Tubbo said.

"They don't have to," he said. "That's the point. Go find them, Tubbo. _Get_ them to know you."

"You won."

"And I'm handing you the crown so you can walk out of here," he insisted. 

"I can't do that."

"You can, and you _will_ ," he said, swinging Techno's sword over his shoulder. "He made me promise to give this back." Tubbo looked at the hilt; at the words inscribed within.

_Sometimes we need to lose the small battles in order to win the war._

"You should do that yourself," the younger boy choked out.

"I should," he admitted. "And it tempts me. To walk out there - " he gestured at the foggy magically-induced mists. " - and to see my family again." He snorted, shaking his head. "You don't want to know how much it tempts me."

"Then why don't you?" Tubbo's voice was full of foreboding - he knew the answer.

Tommy answered anyway. "Because leaving you behind would be the worst thing I'd ever done."

"Even stealing from Ms. Potts?"

"No, that's not bad," he said. "She has good cookies." They shared a look before bursting out into laughter. "Tubbo, I want you to take it."

"I can't do that," Tubbo said, backing away. Tommy grabbed his arms.

"Take it," he said. "Take it and get out of here."

"What about your family?"

" _You_ are my family," he said. "I've met them before."

"Tommy, you'll be trapped here forever."

An easy grin spread across his face. "Since when have walls ever trapped me?"

"Uh...for like sixteen years?" Tubbo said.

"Oh, shut up, bitch," he snorted, shoving his friend's arm. "You know what I mean." Tubbo glanced down at the crown in his hands. "Tubbo, I need you to _go_."

"I - I can't," Tubbo sputtered, for just about the third time in the past ten minutes.

"You can," he said. "And you _will_."

Tears filled the eyes of the brown-haired boy. "Tommy, why are you doing this?"

"Because you are my best friend," Tommy whispered, pulling the smaller boy in for a hug; uncaring of the metal points of the crown that dug into his chest. "And you deserve the world."

"You deserve the same thing."

"My offer came first," Tommy countered. "I swear to god, put the crown on your head or I will shove it on and push you out of here with force if I have to." He pulled away and looked Tubbo into his tear-filled eyes. "You know I can. I don't want to, but I will."

"Fuck you," Tubbo said with a small sob. " _Fuck_ you, Tommy."

He felt the sad smile on his face before the emotion had even hit him. "Go, Tubbo." He reached into his pocket and drew out four letters, neatly tied in a stack with a bit of twine. Without breaking eye contact, he reached over and put the pile of letters into Tubbo's pockets. _"Go."_

"You know," Tubbo choked out. "I thought you'd walk away today. Without me."

"Opposite way around, Tubbs," he said gently, pushing Tubbo with his shoulder towards the gate. "But I knew this was coming."

"You planned this," Tubbo accused.

"You lost on purpose," he pointed out. "And...I thought about it, but then I realized that you deserve to be free." He pushed Tubbo again - _away, away, away_ \- away from him. "So be free."

"Tommy - " Tubbo choked out.

Tommy chucked Techno's sword at him, and Tubbo caught it in his free hand. "Put the fucking crown on, Tubbo."

The boy did. The gates glittered for him, wide and open and inviting.

"I - I can't leave you," Tubbo whispered.

"You're not," he said. "You're leaving _for_ me. I'll always be with you, here." He tapped his heart meaningfully. "I would rather be alone knowing you were free than be trapped forever." Hesitation. "Tell them I'm sorry."

"You should tell them yourself." Tubbo was wavering.

"I should," he said. "But I won't." There was a wetness on his cheeks, but he refused to draw attention to them by wiping them away. "I love you, Tubbo."

"I...am I going to see you again, Tommy?" Tubbo whispered. 

He thought about it for a moment. 

"No."

Tubbo's face twisted into that of a heartbroken expression, and Tommy made another decision, walking over and hugging Tubbo again, tighter to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut, and letting the tears flow down his cheeks.

"I'm gonna miss your stupidity," he muttered.

"'M good miss you too," Tubbo whispered back.

Tommy forced himself to push himself away from his best friend, blinking away the blurriness in his eyes. Part of him wanted to shout that neither of them should go, that they should _both_ stay trapped forever. Part of him screamed to be selfish and go home and be with his pseudo-brother forever. Part of him wanted to hold Tubbo tight and never let go. 

He knew that he had already made his choice.

And so with one last look over his shoulder, Tubbo turned and vanished into the mist.

He wished he could say that he was not filled with the human emotion called jealous. He wished that the only thing he felt was happiness for his best friend.

But alas, he was human, and so with a heavy heart, Tommy turned and walked home - alone, again; just like four years prior - just as he had watched Wilbur leave, with tears trickling down his face and a heart made of heavy stone.

He'd seen the identical tears on Tubbo's face as he had faded into the mist, the heavy gates slamming shut with a resounding _boom_ \- marking Tommy's only opportunity to see his family again. 

His first, only, and final chance - gone.

Gone like his brothers. Like the sword he had once carried everywhere. Like the letters he had handed off; like the drips of water coming from his eyes.

Gone.

Did he regret it?

Yes. That was human.

Would he change his choice?

No. Not for anything. 

He was glad Tubbo was free, even if he was trapped in the valley for the rest of his life.

He was glad that he had made the right choice, even if it tore him apart.

He was glad that Tubbo was free.


	2. Chapter 2

He wanted to be back in the valley. 

With Tommy, with his best - and only - friend. 

Even if he was trapped, he wanted to be  _ home _ . Home was where his friend was.

He clutched the sheath of the sword to his chest and tried his best to wipe away the tears.

Already, the memory of Tommy was fading. 

He would never see him again.

There was someone waiting for him in the forest after the mist faded. He glanced over his shoulder and saw with a pained look the absence of the mist and the gate and the valley he had known his entire life.

A girl, with black hair and wearing a purple cloak. She was smiling.

"Hello!" she said cheerily. "We've been waiting for your arrival!"

Tubbo didn't think that was odd. This happened every year. It was probably a yearly thing. "Uh," he said. "Where am I?"

The girl's grin widened. "You're in Acadia! I'm Niki!"

"Hi, Niki," he said in a broken whisper.

Her smile dropped. "Oh...did you have to say goodbye to someone?"

He nodded numbly. 

"I'm sure they'll get out when it's their turn," she assured him.

He didn't have the heart to tell her that Tommy would never be free. 

"Do you have anyone waiting for you?"

He hesitated. "Um...Phil? Wilbur? Technoblade?"

Niki's jaw dropped. "Oh my gosh! You're their little brother! They've been waiting for you for  _ weeks and weeks _ !"

Tubbo didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise as she led him down the path, chattering to him about the village that they'd settled in - she'd been born outside the valley, but those born inside it appeared once a year for the past three millennia. 

"Has anybody ever gotten out besides winning?" he asked politely, feeling the absence of the crown on his head. It had disappeared when he had exited the mist.

Niki's face fell. "Unfortunately not," she said sadly. "We don't even know the location of it."

"Oh," Tubbo said with a shaky whisper. "That's fine, then." Niki didn't comment on the tears that flooded down his face once more. 

A village appeared at the edge of the forest. People glanced at him as he left the forest, some of them with welcoming smiles and knowing looks -  _ they don't know you, not really _ \- and Niki led him to the trickling fountain at the center.

"Wait here!" she said brightly. "I'll get them!"

Tubbo sat down heavily on the fountain.

He wanted to break down. He wanted to  _ cry _ . But he seemed devoid of tears - perhaps he had cried too much; or perhaps it hadn't settled in. 

He knew Tommy's brothers. He had handled the pictures on the wall - had fixed the shattered glass when Tommy got angry and let out the distaste he had for them abandoning them. 

He knew Phil; the eldest - he would look different, because that had been ten years ago in those pictures. Maybe he wore the same bucket hat; maybe he had the same bright blue eyes that were shared with Tommy. Maybe not.

He knew Techno, the second-eldest, with his pink hair and his harsh brown eyes that seemed to bore into you. Tommy had remembered him little, but was always content to read Phil's notes from the little diary that he refused to show to anyone. Tubbo had read it when Tommy had asked him to. 

Tommy knew Wilbur the most, and in such - hated and loved the older man. Wilbur had left his guitar in the room, and Tubbo had been interested in it - Tommy had never shown any interest, and whenever he looked at it, he was either crying or carrying all the anger he had for them.

Maybe Tubbo had secondhand anger from this... but part of him held some contempt for Tommy's brothers as well. 

Though it was his fault. If Tubbo hadn't existed, Tommy would be here, sitting on the stone, waiting for his brothers. His eyes itched as they tried to bring tears that would not come.

Maybe if he had never approached Tommy that day in the forest he would be happy. Maybe - 

"TOMMY!"

He looked up to see an older blonde-haired man come skidding into the center of the town - and only recognized him because of the green and white bucket hat he wore. 

Tubbo clutched Techno's sword in his hands as he looked away, unable to make eye contact. Phil glanced around, his eyes scanning the crowd for a boy that would never come home.

It was his fault. It was all  _ his  _ fault. He should have let Tommy come. He should  _ never  _ have taken the crown from Tommy's hands and allowed himself to bask in the fantasies of freedom. 

"You're not Tommy."

He looked up. Saw the accusing brown eyes of the tall, yellow-sweatered one named Wilbur. 

"Niki said that - " the pink-haired one on the left cut himself off. "Is that my sword?"

"Yes," he said bitterly, holding it out. "That's your sword."

Techno took it, and Tubbo was glad to see that his hands were shaking. 

"So," Phil said. "You're from the valley."

"Yes." He didn't know why there was spite buried in his voice. Maybe if one of them had chosen  _ family  _ over freedom, Tommy wouldn't be so alone. 

"You said Tommy would win!" Techno said accusingly at Wilbur, as he clutched the sheath with white-knuckled hands. 

"I thought so - "

Tubbo snorted. "He  _ did  _ win."

Silence.

"...what?" Phil asked.

"I  _ said _ , he won the tournament," Tubbo said. "And he gave his crown to me."

"He wouldn't," Wilbur choked stumbling back. "W-what?  _ Why _ ?"

"I don't know," Tubbo said helplessly. "I didn't want to either. But he threatened me with violence if I didn't." A small fond smile spread across his face.

"Doesn't sound like something he would do," Techno said warily.

"Well, maybe you would know if you stayed behind," Tubbo snapped, surprising himself with the rage in his voice.

"Huh?" Phil asked.

Tubbo snorted, standing up. He was easily the shortest here, but they backed up anyway. "Yeah, maybe if you didn't leave him, he wouldn't hate you so much."

Wilbur's eyes widened. "He hates us?"

At that moment, Tubbo  _ really  _ wanted to lie and say yes. Instead, he sighed. "No, I suppose not all the time. Just, like, twenty percent of the time."

"But - " Techno said. "Surely he has to understand - "

"That every single one of you chose freedom over him?" Tubbo cut out. "And he didn't make the same choice?" He threw up his hands. "I don't know anymore. Tommy's always been one for surprises."

"Who even  _ are  _ you?" Wilbur snapped.

He tilted his head, thinking about the answer. Eventually, he found one. "I'm his brother. And his best friend."

They didn't like that very much. 

"Adopted," he clarified, as the noise died down. "About a year ago. I'd already been basically living with Tommy for two."

"How do we know you're not lying?"

It was a fair question. Tubbo reached into his pocket and took out the letters. Some part of him imagined that the remaining heat on it was from Tommy's hand. He undid the string and took one of the letters - the one with  _ his  _ name on it, and handed the rest to Wilbur, who stared down at the chicken-scratch handwriting.

"What are these?" Phil asked.

Techno plucked his out of the air deftly as Wilbur handed him his. "It's from Tommy."

"Of course it is," Tubbo said, waving his own. "I hope you're happy," he added in afterthought, sliding off the bench.

"Where are you going?" Phil said, and Tubbo realized that the older man was crying.

"Away," he said finally. "He asked me to give you the letters. Nothing more. You think I'm going to  _ stay _ ? I'm going to find my best friend."

"We've tried," Wilbur said. "Nobody knows where the valley is."

"That doesn't stop me," he said bitterly. "I'm getting my brother back."

Tubbo left. They didn't stop him.

He was sure they were good people. Yet he still held some contempt for them, for what they had done to his best friend.

He would do anything to get Tommy back. Anything at all. He would spend the rest of his life if he had to, looking for that valley. He wouldn't give up. He wouldn't, not for  _ anything _ .

He would find Tommy, or he would die trying.

He had made his choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last you'll see of them...
> 
> ...in this book.


End file.
